I cross the Ganga in Rishikesh, over a long high shaky bridge in between the mountains, and realize the mechanism of my perception of the world around me. I realize I have not yet crossed the bridge but yet I already Know what is in the other side, and this knowing is boring, mechanic, unrevealing, source of sadness.

So, I stop in the bridge, look down at the strong currents of the river and decide conciously to choose NOT KNOWING. So, I don't know what comes after, what will appear in the other side, I do not Know (and that's a grounding center stage, rather then a pshycological denial of mind, please understand its difference) and so I become vulnerable, and creative, and immediately my all reality becomes totally different. Not Knowing allows the world to reveal itself as new, then there is the space for life to happen, to surprise me, and anything in that present moment of NOT KNOWING is possible.

Everything is possible, I mean not in the sense of a yupie reflection of wow everything is possible, and life is so mysterious and magical,no, but on the moment I stop wanting to understand or act upon my knowledge, my patterns of identification, my concepts and values, then it's all blank, or black, neutral, and virgin, an empty field where I can act upon,open, consciously and vulnerably.

So, I allow myself to be insecure, to try not to think about the future, to just rest in this challenging risky area of insecurity, the bridge shaking under my feet my legs trembling, heart bumping.
And the I met a 20 years old rajastani boy, which indian name I don't recall, but he said his name meant mountain holder, in english. I am not surprised, indians have names that when translated into english are absolutely adorable, so I smile without being able ever to repeat its original name, I tell him: - nice to meet you mountain holder.
We talk for a bit, and he is surprised with this concept of enjoying insecurity to allow life to happen by itself, this idea of not knowing, not owning life. He doesn't really understand he says: - but insecurity, how is that good.? Nahhji. Insecurity is bad, is stress, you feel tense. You learn how to enjoy the little things you have. You have little. But you feel happy with simple things, bed, food, family. You know all people are family...

- Sure- I say- but that is not my point. I don't enjoy those little things, stop thinking about the food you need, the bed you will rest, your basic survival, stop planning how to provide for your basic needs and allow yourself to not want even those little things, not worry, not need to be safe.

He understands me now. His behaviour changes. His cultural believes are shaken, just like mine. We arrive to the end of the bridge and he says to me :- Haanji you are right. I can dye tomorrow...

We finally crossed the bridge, and we go swimming in the Ganga.

It's my very first time diving in the most Holy river of India, Mother Ganga, and I have no clue what to expect from the Crazy River, like I call it.
Mountain Holder leaves and I stay with Jacqui looking at the strong currents gainning courage to get in. I change and deep both feet in, but, wow, the water is absolutely freezing. Wow, the river is ice and outside is boiling bloody 42 degrees, how can this be? Life is so full of revealing paradoxes, I smile, and quickly and I dare say bravely jump in, totally submersed on the holy purest river, the healer of all maladies, the turning point of your karma, sweet as a polished gem.

The water is beautiful, and I have never experienced such waters. It's so clean and pure, and cold I can drink from it. It feels great and as indian tradition requires (not that I ever was a traditional chick but sometimes I got my own flicks) I remain inside as long as I can. It's a resistence exercise now, it's kind of painfull, and why am I doing it, I am not even a believer, but I do, I stay there, in pain, and you know what? I enjoyed it so much I'll return tomorrow. Yes, I enjoy the pain, I felt so strong after a few dives, full of energy I went back to my hotel walking ( a one hour climb over the mountain , mind you 42 degrees!!! hot). But I want to go, and climb, I feel rejuvenated, and happy!

What a wonderfull saturday!
-What a great river- I say to an american woman I just met who has lived in the Shivananda ashram, in India for most of her life.
- Yeah, cleans your karma.- she says.
- Sorry, the waters are good but I do not believe in Karma sister.- I tell her.
- Well, what you give is what you take. That's Dharma, didi, you get that for sure. We are all One. One big consciouness that has always been there, will always be. A Whole evolving, becoming, each day more conscious of itself.
- Right. I agree- I tell her, with redemption- I just don't like this usual idea of karma as a coming back, same soul contained in different container. Will you be able to buy souls in different containers in a future Hyper Market? See what I mean? I was a dog, once yet a frog, now I am a Prince, I don't swallow that mate, thank you.
- Forget about the hierarchy of karma. No, that's not the way. Westerns like to think they were kings in past lifes, indians like to think they won't return to this hard life, but for me, we were always here, we will always be, and we have multiple manifestations, but we are ultimately the same.
- Fair point- I reckoned.

The sun sets behind the mountains and I take a shower. I take a long deep breath of this Himalayans air, and I stop thinking about all of it...And a yellow parrot crosses the sky ahead of me. Faraway there's a flute as someone is practicing. I listen. The water hits the rocks down the valley, and I remain still and quiet, enjoying the tension mountain holder was talking about, that comes from not knowing. And I feel purely alive and conscious that centered tension, that conflict, that pure DRAMA, that paradox, antagonic forces, right deep down in my center rather then in a confused mind is what keeps us alive. Is pure energy, what keeps you going.

The UNKNOWN.