Khali, khali ham, ham, om, om.



and I repeat khali, khali, ham, ham, om, om, looking at the priest at Khali temple, in the heart of Kolkata.



Khali- the goddess, of destruction, creation, life, death, protection- Time.



We walk in circles around the banyan tree, and touch the sacred stones, look at the goats being sacrificed feel sick with the smells, get touched by thousands of beggars, get scamed by the taxi driver and finally comeback to the hotel.



ufff!!! khali, khali, am, am, om. give me a break.

Jacqui drops ill. Diarrohea, vomits, cramps, muscular pain. She shouts and cries in contortions in bed. Fuck...oh where's bloody Khali now?



The day after she gets slightly better and I drop ill again. Diarrohea, vomits, cramps, muscular pain. Like a mantra.

Om, khali, khali, om.


We are fed water and rice.



It is hard and it is taugh to travel for so long in a third world country: you get bitten, ill, hot, depressed, opressed, enlightened, endarkened, happy, angry, chaotic!

But we feel everyday a little bit more connected to the soul of Mother India and we love this kind, grateful, hard mother, her gifts and teachings.



Everyday I become aware I will return to the west in 2 months, and I feel sad about leaving. Isn't that weird? I feel so fucked up, my body aches, it's hot, it's crap and still there's this strange magnetism that makes you want to love this dirty corrupted country!!!



So what is it about India that you love it and hate it so much?



And then I know with the same certainty that I will return to the west, that I will definitely have to comeback to the east! The east!


For travellers the sensation of being a foreigner, an outsider is so present, returning to society becomes if not impossible, not worthy.

From the two, one happens:



1. He either returns and stays in a same place, gets a normal life, settles and talks about his memories for the rest of his life.



2. Or he keeps returning, travelling, unable to ever settle, or fit anywhere, feeling like a refugee, everywhere he goes, even in his own country.



I sincerely wonder what will happen to me.



saudade